Although Jim didn’t want to go into the hospital, he also realized that at some point his level of care would become more than I could handle alone. When we discussed whether or not he would go into the hospital a few months ago, he told me that he would prefer to die at home, but if I needed to put him in the hospital to get help with the care he needs, he was okay with that. A good friend of mine, Jenn, and I cared for him at home for as long as we were physically able to, but when it got to the point where she and I had been awake and taking care of him for 36 hours with about 1 ½ hours of sleep snatched 10 minute here and there, I realized that the level of care that Jim needed required more than 2 people; it would take an entire team of people caring for him to help him finish his journey. Further compounding the problem was the fact that his son and daughter-in-law are allergic to cats and not able to stay 24/7 to help with his care, and I was forced to make a decision. Jim was still lucid at that point, so I talked to him about going into the hospital, and he said yes.
Jim is now resting comfortably, lying on an air mattress, receiving his pain and comfort meds via IV. Being unable to swallow well anymore makes it difficult for him to take his meds orally, which was the only option I had for him at home. His son and daughter-in-law are able to go and visit with him without worrying about allergens, and it’s great to see them able to spend the time that they want to with him. Jim’s daughter, Tina, is here now and spending a lot of time with her dad. Friends feel much more comfortable visiting him there, and it’s been almost like a revolving door to his room with all the people going to visit him. Jim feels well-loved with all of the friends and family around him, which is how it should be.
Although the concept of dying at home is the wish of a lot of people, in the end it comes down to helping a person finish their life journey with the love, respect, dignity, and honor that they deserve.
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